Welcome to my beautiful creation, ya weirdo! While I really do appreciate your visiting this little internet gem, what were you thinking?!? Have you lost your mind? I hope you don’t email your grandmother with this browser window! What would Grammy think with you visiting such places! Poor Grammy.
I’m Chris and I will be your tour guide for the rest of this crazy adventure. Well, that over there (<—–) is a Minion…not me. It’s actually the closest thing to an accurate representation of me you’re going to get when:
- I am asleep in the middle of the night.
- I wake up in the morning.
- The building I occupy is on fire.
- The building I occupy is on fire, and I DID NOT start it.
- My inner-self succumbs to my ADHD mind.
I’m over there (—–>) with my oldest child, who quite possibly could be the world’s first successful personality transplant recipient. It’s crazy how much you can spend your life imagining what your children are going to look, sound, and act like, and then be totally mesmerized and blown away at the mysterious and wonderful package-deal that pops out.
Anywho, for the safety of everyone involved, especially the team of Yeti on hamster-wheels keeping this whole production together…please watch your step, mind the gap, keep your hands and feet inside the browser at all times, and be sure to check out the gift shop and advertisements that interest you along the way.
Who is this weirdo?
It was a dark and stormy night…Wednesday…October 6th…1982…at Commanche County Memorial Hospital in Lawton, Oklahoma…
Actually, it was the middle of the night, around 4ish am, and was about 71 degrees outside with clear skies. Lawton is just about 90 miles southwest of Oklahoma City and is the civilian counterpart to Fort Sill, Oklahoma. I spent the first part of my life there, and then when I was 2ish, my mother moved us to Syracuse, Indiana to live with her mother while our family got squared away following her discharge from the United States Army.
***FAST FORWARD (for now)***
I am now 33 years old and still haven’t decided entirely what I want to be when I grow up. I am a life-long learner for anyone willing to teach me. If you’re unwilling to teach me, then you’ve taught me one of the greatest life lessons…and I thank you.
I am thrilled to have the most wonderful family a guy could ask for. I am the husband to one extraordinary super hero of a wife, the father to three uniquely beautiful and life-changing children, a brother, a friend, and a curious lover of the imagination and of insanity.
Professionally, I hold a Class A Commercial Driver’s License, and just finished the 18 month stint that allowed me to obtain said license. I used to drive a 65 foot semi tractor-trailer vehicle that allowed me to get the stuff you want and take it to the places at which you wish to acquire it. For many reasons, (none the least of which is that until now, I did not possess the brain power to drive a manual transmission) I never saw myself being particularly here in life, however it makes sense in a weird, “me” sort of way, given that every job I have held has been in service to the public in one way, shape, or form. I won’t sugar coat it for you. It’s really hard. I am always away from my family except for about 5 days a month at most. Instead of completely sleeping while my teammate drives, I usually capitalize on my downtime by working on my writing projects, reading (or listening to audio-books). Now that that adventure has come to a close (see: Giving Up a Gold Mine for the Real Treasure), I have returned to my previous vocation of landscaping. I work for Paragon Landscape, Inc. out of Harlan, Indiana and am a dual Assistant Manager for the Landscape Services Division and Christmas Decor by Paragon. I work with a team of 3 to 12 people installing, uninstalling, maintaining, and upgrading anything in the realm of landscape design and maintenance.
I can remember as early as 6 years old that I found being a storyteller the second-most fascinating thing in the world. The first was being an astronaut. However, if you subscribe to my logic that being an astronaut is technically (and (ugh!) cliche-ic-ly) out-of-this-world, then it was actually the absolute-most fascinating thing in the world to me. I have developed a bit of a familial reputation as an entertaining storyteller, so in the last 5 years I decided that I want to try my hand at writing and conveying the images and stories that have been trapped inside my head for 30+ years.
I am currently involved in two separate large-scale writing projects in two separate genres. After an unfortunate timeline accident that resulted in the unintentional death of my main character, I have put aside my 3-year-old SciFi project in favor of an immersive Young Adult Magical-Fantasy novel series. I decided to start this new project and focus on the world that I am creating before writing the main story. I have spent a little over 2 years developing a magical realm of existence and the people who inhabit it. I have incorporated a hereto-never-before-seen character development project that utilizes friends, family, and many random strangers filling out an interview packet designed to bring the character alive and give them a very distinctive personality. The only restriction of this project, is that I have to take the character at face value or drop the character altogether. I am not allowed to alter a character in any way, much in the same way that I am not capable of altering the people in real life that I don’t agree or mesh with.
If you would like to know more about this process, please check out the Literary Realm where I will be posting a series on my world-building experiences.
Things I Love:
God / My Family / My Friends / Reading / Writing / Photography / Quotes / Technology / Nature / Travelling / Sunrises / Sunsets / Hugs / People Watching / (Literally) Anything and Everything Disney / Practical Jokes / Space Exploration / Imagination / Dreaming / Daydreaming / The Three Stooges (and basically all slapstick comedy)/ Meeting (and Studying) New People / Becoming the Best Me
Non-Exhaustive List of Things I Don’t Love:
Intentional Stupidity / Tradition for the Sake of Tradition / Untamed and Wild-running Snark / Abusive, Untamed Snark / Soggy Feet / Soggy Underpants / Being Soggy / When it’s too trafficky out / Being Wrong
So that’s that. That’s a little taste of what it’s like to be me. Hope you’ve had a wonderful trip! Please make sure to remain seated until the browser window comes to a complete stop. Watch your step as you disembark, and please remember, no flash photography as it scares the Yeti. Had enough? Well hold on to your pants, here’s A Little Bit More About Me!